Tag: Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Recently I assisted at a workshop designed to help singles gain social skills and connect with each other.
At the end of the evening, an attractive young woman said she is usually shy because she cares too much about what other people think. During some of the workshop exercises, she was able to not care what others thought of her, and found it liberating. She wanted the ability to not care what others think in the rest of her life.
I gently point out that while not caring what others think can be liberating, it can also be problematic. Would you really want ignore how your actions affect other people to the point that you hurt or offend them? Or maybe suffer serious consequences, such as getting fired? Probably not.Read more...
Posted: April 10th, 2011 under meta-programs, NLP articles, relationships, self-change, strategies.
Tags: external reference, internal reference, motivation source meta-program, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP article
When Gary recalls a negative memory, he re-experiences the emotion he felt, and gets upset. Since he is prone to obsessive thinking, once a negative emotion triggers, he can obsess about it — and stay upset — for hours.
Tabitha gets trauma flashbacks. She re-experiences events so vividly that they re-traumatize her. Afterward fear, anxiety, depression, and crying jags can debilitate her for days, and affect her mood for weeks.
Emotionally loaded recall is especially common in people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), a learned trauma response. It’s also common among people with Asperger syndrome. Like Gary, Aspies are prone to obsess over negative emotions and make them worse.
Of course, re-experiencing remembered emotions can be an asset when you recall pleasant memories. But with negative experiences — especially traumas — it’s usually preferable to get the useful life lessons from less-than-positive memories, without getting upset or re-traumatized.Read more...
Posted: March 28th, 2011 under NLP articles, NLP techniques, strategies, trauma & treatment.
Tags: advanced NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP article, NLP technique, PTSD treatment, trauma treatment
After getting my final chemotherapy treatment at the beginning of May, I experienced ongoing problems with tiredness. Curiously, mental fatigue severe enough to keep me from writing blog posts had little effect on my ability to date and socialize. Which makes sense, I suppose; our ancestors spent millions of years socializing, not blogging.
My busy dating life gives me plenty of opportunities to learn more about relationships. Which brings me to today’s topic, personal (relationship) chemistry.Read more...
Posted: June 9th, 2010 under NLP articles, relationships.
Tags: dating chemistry, friendship, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP article, rapport, relationship chemistry, relationships, romantic chemistry, sexual chemistry
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Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts explores common convincer strategies for love. Chapman calls them love languages.
When someone gets plenty of convincing evidence they are loved — evidence that fits their convincer criteria — they feel loved and appreciated. In Chapman’s words, their “emotional gas tank” gets filled.
When people don’t get convincing evidence of love — or worse, when they get convincing evidence that they are not loved — their emotional gas tank gets depleted and they feel unloved, unappreciated… and often hurt, hostile, resentful, etc. This can happen even when they are receiving lots of love — because it’s in a form they don’t recognize as love.Read more...
Posted: April 5th, 2010 under meta-programs, NLP articles, relationships.
Tags: 5 love languages, convincer strategies, five love languages, Gary Chapman, love, meta-program, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP article
One of the most fruitful parts of my modeling work involves unpacking aspects of NLP that most of us NLPers don’t question.
Take disassociation, for example. In your NLP training you might have learned that disassociated = not associated.
When my research buddy Jan “yon” Saeger and I started investigating disassociation, Jan quickly realized that, strictly speaking, disassociation doesn’t exist.Read more...
In “NLP and the myth of the quick fix,” I discussed how promoting NLP as an instant cure-all causes problems for NLPers an our customers.
Unfortunately, NLP’s “quick fix” mentality also extends to NLP training.
Instant NLP mastery!
NLP includes advanced technology for quickly transferring skills. However, while training can expose students to skills and techniques, mastering skills takes practice. And practice takes time.Read more...
When I began my NLP training in 2002, I quickly embraced the myth of the NLP “quick fix.”
To their credit, my trainers were fairly low-key about what NLP could do. But they did promote the idea of NLP working “much faster” than alternatives, such as conventional therapy. And during training, my fellow students and I were often able to quickly fix some of our own and other people’s problems. Sometimes these were issues that had endured for decades, yet with NLP we could resolve them in under half an hour.
Many of us NLP students, including me, quickly developed overblown ideas of what NLP (and we) could accomplish.Read more...
NLP expert Andy Austin explains the anatomy of post-traumatic stress disorder — including the hidden factor that drives the PTSD trauma:
(This clip is part of the 2009 NLP Advanced Mastery Training video series, featuring Andy Austin, Steve Andreas, and Steven Watson. )Read more...
Posted: February 19th, 2010 under NLP articles, trauma & treatment.
Tags: advanced NLP, Andrew T. Austin, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP article, PTSD treatment, trauma treatment, videos
What is psychological trauma?
A trauma is a strong, persistent, negative emotional response to a past event, or reminders of it.
- A trauma is not an experience. It is an emotional response to an experience. If the emotional response is positive, the experience is not traumatic, no matter how harrowing its sensory details. (Think of all the people who pay money to have scary, dangerous experiences such as white-water rafting!)
Posted: February 14th, 2010 under NLP articles, NLP techniques, trauma & treatment.
Tags: 3D Mind, advanced NLP, Andrew T. Austin, Change Personal History, Comprehensive Memory Cleanup, double description, doyletic Speed Trace, EFT, EMDR, Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye Movement Integration, Failure Into Feedback Strategy, Fast Phobia Cure, hypnotic regression, Jan Saeger, mapping across, Michael Harris, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Nick Kemp, NLP article, NLP technique, PTSD treatment, Reimprinting, Robert Dilts, Sock Trick, spinning feelings, submodalities, superstimuli, synesthesias, Thought Pattern Management, Tom Stone, Tom Vizzini, Trauma Process, Trauma Resolution Techniques, trauma treatment, triggers
Recently I have been dealing with a cancerous breast lump. I had surgery in December, and started chemotherapy a few days ago. At this point my prognosis is good, and I am doing well.
Using my NLP and hypnosis skills to deal with cancer
As you can imagine, throughout my diagnosis and treatment, I have been using my NLP and hypnosis skills to:
- Accept my situation, and deal with it resourcefully and proactively.
- Keep my perspective. While I am dealing with a potentially life-threatening illness, in the present I’m in good health, and better off than millions of other people. Including many people I’ve personally met.
- Manage my internal states, so that I am consistently resourceful almost all the time, in a good mood, and mostly happy. Rather than staying in unresourceful and unpleasant states, I have taught myself to automatically pop out them after a short time.